The relationship with your therapist is essential to the success of your therapy. It can also be tricky and awkward to build. The relationship between therapist and patient is a professional one, but also an intimate one. You have to be able to be open and comfortable with your therapist in order for them to help you. But being open does not mean there aren’t boundaries.
Many patients feel intimidated about the aspect of building a relationship with their therapist, but the right therapist can help to make the process smoother. In this blog, we’ll talk about the relationship you build with your therapist and tips when you’re starting out.
The Ideal Relationship With Your Therapist
In most of your relationships, there should be a more or less equal focus on each person. If you spend time with a friend and only talk about yourself, your friend will likely feel that their needs aren’t being met. But in therapy, the focus is fully on you. This can be a difficult adjustment, especially for those who already worry about talking too much about yourself. There is still a give and take to therapeutic relationships, however. Both parties need to contribute and be equally invested for it to work.
Qualities of a Strong Therapeutic Relationship
So what does a strong therapeutic relationship look like? It may look different for each relationship, just like any other relationships in your life. However, these are some traits you’re likely to see in a strong relationship with your therapist:
Mutual Trust and Respect
If you don’t have mutual trust and respect in your therapeutic relationship, you don’t have a therapeutic relationship to begin with. If you don’t trust your therapist, you likely won’t feel comfortable being open and vulnerable with your therapist. If your therapist doesn’t trust or respect you, they won’t be able to objectively help you. So set the groundwork of respecting each other and respecting your reasons and motivations coming into the room. With that foundation, you can build on other healthier traits.
Shared Ownership
Honesty and Openness
Honesty is key in any therapeutic relationship. You have to be able to tell your therapist what you’ve been thinking, feeling, or how you’ve behaved as might be relevant to your mental health treatment. This often comes with a sense of shame, or fear of judgment if your thoughts, feelings, or behaviors are deemed as negative. But in a strong therapeutic relationship, your therapist is not here to judge you. You can share what’s going on in your life without shame, and if there is a need for change, you can work on creating that change with your therapist.
You also have to be willing to be open when you go into therapy. Your therapist might suggest strategies that you haven’t tried before or that you feel doubtful of. Voice those doubts and make sure everything is transparent between you. But don’t be afraid to consider a new way of thinking or take in new ideas. This is essential for healing.
Flexibility
Therapy might not go the way you expect — for either of you. And that’s okay! Maybe once you start therapy, you realize that what you thought would help you isn’t actually very effective, or that healing could take longer than you expected. Share your thoughts and feelings about these changes with your therapist, and then change course as needed. You may have to do this several times. Flexibility will help you to adjust as you need, strengthen your therapeutic bond, and find what works for you.
Tips For Building a Strong Relationship With Your Therapist
Once you know the traits that build a strong relationship with your therapist, you can figure out how to build that relationship. Here are some of our tips for building a good therapeutic relationship:
Give Feedback
The goal of a therapeutic relationship should be to help you through your specific challenges, empowering you to cope and heal and helping you build your life worth living. That means if something isn’t helpful to you, your therapist needs to know. Likewise, they need to know what does work so you can continue down that path. So don’t be afraid to give feedback, and be honest in it. Remember, your therapist is a professional, and they’re here for you. They want to know if you have feedback.
Ask Questions
On that note, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Asking questions can help you to better understand what to expect with therapy, and it can also help your therapist to better understand you. Don’t forget that there’s no judgment in the therapeutic space. Your question isn’t a stupid one; and if something isn’t clear to you, it’s important to voice that and have it cleared up as soon as you can.
Respect Boundaries
There’s a reason that therapists and patients don’t hang out outside of the therapeutic space. It’s not that your therapist doesn’t care about you genuinely, but rather that professional boundaries are necessary in order for them to help you to the best of their ability. So respect your therapist’s boundaries and know what to expect: a caring and respectful healthcare relationship. If you have questions about what the boundaries are, don’t be afraid to ask.
Come As You Are
It’s easy to go into therapy hoping to “do well” or at least not do badly. But don’t forget, your therapist isn’t here to grade your mental health performance. This isn’t a test. Instead, it’s a sort of workshop. By looking at where things are now, you can work together to move towards where you want to be. That requires you to come as you are and not try to perform in a particular way.
Participate
As we discussed previously, you have to be willing to participate with your therapist in coming up with coping skills and a treatment plan. Don’t go into therapy expecting to be given clear cut instructions on how to improve your mental health. Instead, offer up your own ideas and play off the ideas your therapist gives you. This equal participation will strengthen your relationship, and also help you curate a plan that works best for you.
Don’t Be Afraid To Move On
Sometimes you and the therapist simply aren’t a good fit. Many patients worry about hurting their therapist’s feelings if they stop seeing them and seek out a new therapist. But again, therapists are professionals and their primary concern is your mental wellness. If one therapist’s approach doesn’t work for you, it’s okay to move on and find a therapist whose approach does work for you.
At Rivia Mind, we work with many skilled and compassionate clinicians across various states who want to help you build your mental health. Find a provider to work with today, or contact us to learn more.
Resources:
- Better relationships with patients lead to better outcomes – American Psychological Association
