One common misconception about therapy is that you spill out all of your problems to your therapist and they give you the answers to your problems. After all, your therapist is the expert in mental health. Shouldn’t they just know what to do to make it better?
But patients trying therapy for the first time may find themselves intimidated when they realize that they are supposed to set their own goals and find the answers themselves. This is because while a therapist may be an expert in mental health, no one knows you better than yourself. Different solutions work for different people, and your goals may be drastically different from the goals that would be most effective for your therapist’s other patients.
In actuality, your therapist should serve as a guide, but not the driver themselves. If you want to decrease anxiety in your life, they may introduce you to coping skills or they may prompt you to explore the source of that anxiety. It is your responsibility to determine what you want from therapy, what a life worth living looks like, and what you want to do to achieve it.
So how can you set goals for success in therapy? Here are our tips.
Think About What Brought You Here
One of the first questions your therapist will ask is, “What brings you to therapy today?” You may not know what you need to do to become mentally well, but you know what you felt when you decided you should schedule your first therapy appointment. Remember that there are no wrong answers to this question. You can say “I’ve been struggling with thoughts of suicide,” “I feel worried all the time,” or just, “I want to be happier.”
These are all a starting point when it comes to change. You know the problem, even if only in abstract terms. The next step is to figure out a solution.
Think About Your Life Worth Living
Now think about what it is that you want in your life. What would make you happy or fulfilled? Less stress? More confidence? Meaningful relationships? Work that you loved?
Therapy will not be able to magically deliver that life of your dreams to you. It will, however, give you the tools to move towards that life yourself. If you’re stressed about finances, going to therapy will not make you more money but your therapist may be able to guide you as you build the confidence to ask for a raise.
So don’t dismiss any of your thoughts of what would go into your life worth living. Creating that picture in your mind will help you solidify your goals.
Focus On One or Two Things At a Time
Sometimes it feels like everything in your life is falling apart and you need help with everything. There are certainly therapy sessions where you had a really rough week and you can vent to your therapist and receive guidance on a number of different aspects of your life. However, for long-term therapy goals, it helps not to overwhelm yourself.
Focus on one or two issues. Talking to your therapist about what you’re facing can help you prioritize what is most urgent. It will be difficult to tackle your interpersonal conflicts in work or relationships without first building your currently low confidence. If you’re struggling with suicide ideation, you may need to learn coping skills for that before you’re ready to tackle something as heavy as unresolved trauma. As you progress in one or two different areas, you will be in a place to take on more.
Set Goals Authentically
It’s important to be honest with yourself and with your therapist when setting goals in therapy. This can be uncomfortable for some, especially when facing your own weak points makes you anxious. However, the best way to grow is to be authentic about where you are now and where you want to go. The more honest you are with your therapist, the better picture they’ll have of your current mental health and the more they’ll be able to help you.
Put Your Goals In Writing
Your life continues to move outside of therapy. Sometimes you get caught up with work, with your family, or with stressors that you face from day to day. It can be hard to remember your therapy goals or to keep them in mind as you move throughout the week. This is where it can help to put your goals in writing. Consider writing a list and putting it inside your nightstand or even, if you’re comfortable with it, hanging them on your wall. Then you can look at your goals and reflect on them each day even if you’re not about to go into therapy.
Don’t Be Afraid To Change Your Goals
As you move through therapy, you will experience a lot of personal growth. This is a good thing! It means therapy is working. It may also mean that several months into therapy, your goals might be different than they were when you came in.
For instance, you might have had the goal of “being happier” when you started therapy. However, as you continued to explore your own struggles with happiness in therapy, you may have realized that most of your unhappiness comes from feeling overworked. You might change your goal to “setting healthy boundaries at work.”
It’s natural for your goals to change along with your progress. Embrace these evolutions and keep moving forward with your therapist.
The first step, of course, is finding the right therapist who can understand your goals and help you achieve them. Contact Rivia Mind today to learn more about how we can help or to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
