August 30th is National Grief Awareness Day. Everyone experiences grief and loss at some point in their lives. One common sentiment with grief is the sense of drowning in sadness that feels unending. It can be difficult to communicate, especially if you feel that you’re grieving past the “appropriate” time that you would be expected to grieve.
Fortunately, there is hope. In today’s blog, we’ll discuss the ways to find support and healing in the midst of grief.
Understanding Grief
Grief is a strong, overwhelming sense of sadness tied to the loss of something or someone that was important to you. It can occur at any age, and it can feel different for each situation. Here are a few things to understand about grief so that you can show yourself kindness and grace in the midst of your sadness.
Grief Is Not Just Tied To Death
When we hear the word “grief,” we often think about the loss of a loved one. But you can grieve other circumstances or relationships, regardless of whether or not someone has died. You may grieve after a breakup, after moving away from a place you called home for years, or after changing a career. You can grieve the loss of friendships or grieve a past self that you can’t return to. These are all valid forms of grief.
Grief Looks Different For Everyone
Sometimes you will find that your grief does not look the way it does in movies. Maybe you find that you haven’t been able to cry after the death of a loved one. Or you might have some days that seem fine and some days where you struggle to get through even the smallest tasks. The way that you personally grieve is not an indictment on yourself as a person. Just because it doesn’t look like the grief you see in others does not mean that you are not grieving.
Grief Has No Timeline
Many people feel a sense of shame if they believe that they have been grieving for “too long.” They may think that after a few months, they should be back to normal. A society in which we are constantly valued for our productivity can add to this feeling that their grief has extended past an appropriate time. But in truth, grief lasts as long as it lasts. It cannot be rushed, and you cannot force yourself to stop feeling it simply because it seems excessive.
Healing From Grief Is Not About “Getting Over It”
You may always find yourself missing the person you lost or feeling sad about your grief. That’s okay. Healing from grief is not about “getting over” the grief. It is about letting your life continue to grow around grief. As you continue to move through your life, you will find ways to cope with your grief and find other things in your life that will bring you joy. This will help you not to be overwhelmed with grief. But it can be a slow process and in no way means that you will simply stop being sad about your loss.
Grief and Mental Health
Grief typically occurs after a major life event, and it can be an overpowering state of being. Naturally, it can have a heavy impact on your mental health. About 40% of adults meet the criteria of depression about one month after losing a loved one, and 20% still meet that criteria within two months of the loss.1 Additionally, there is a higher risk in substance misuse when vulnerable individuals are grieving.2 Grief can feel endless. Many individuals may feel at a loss and seek to self-medicate.
In some cases, grief may be traumatic. This is especially true if you witnessed the death of a loved one, suffered survivor’s guilt, or if you lost someone in a very traumatic way. This can lead to trauma disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Complicated grief is its own mental health syndrome which occurs in about 10% of grieving individuals.3 Complicated grief is the inability to transition from acute grief — which occurs immediately after the loss — to integrated grief, in which the loss becomes an integrated part of your larger life.Those with complicated grief may feel stuck in a loop. You may experience symptoms such as:
- Separation distress
- Recurring painful emotions
- Preoccupation with the loss
- Difficulty believing or accepting the loss
- Anger and bitterness
- Intrusive thoughts about death or dying
If these symptoms continue with a steady intensity for six or more months, it may be complicated grief syndrome.
What Is Integrated Grief?
When treating grief, mental health clinicians do not hope for patients to get over their grief. Instead, the goal is to aim for integrated grief. Integrated grief is the point at which you feel your life is able to move on — not without your grief but rather with that grief as an integrated part of your life. You may still occasionally grieve, and this is natural. But you will also be able to find satisfaction and happiness in the things that once brought you joy in your life. Or you may find new things that bring you joy.
With integrated grief, you come to understand and accept the loss, as well as your own feelings about the loss. You may still be sad about the loss, but you understand that your sadness cannot change the reality of the loss.
Support and Mental Health Treatment in the Midst of Grief
One of the worst aspects of grief is the way in which it feels isolating. You may convince yourself that no one can understand what you’re going through. But there is support for those who are dealing with grief. You may be able to connect with others in similar situations, or you may be able to find mental health support from mental health providers.
Grief Support Groups
There are grief support groups, both online as well as local meetups, where those going through grief after the loss of a loved one can connect with others who are experiencing similar grief. In these groups, you can express your feelings candidly in a way you might not feel comfortable otherwise. These groups help to reduce the feelings of isolation that often come with grief. You may even be able to find specific grief support groups, such as groups dedicated to the loss of a spouse/partner or loss of a child.
Therapy and Counseling
Therapy and counseling can also help you to process the feelings of depression and trauma that often come with grief. In these settings, you have a safe space to express everything you’ve experienced in the midst of your grief. Your therapist or counselor can help you develop coping strategies as well as process the feelings and begin to heal. You can even find clinicians who specialize in grief. If you develop any mental health disorders in the midst of your grief, you can also treat these through therapy or counseling.
Medication Management
If you have symptoms of depression, PTSD, or other mental health disorders as a result of your grief, your psychiatrist may recommend medication to help reduce these symptoms. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI) and serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRI) are especially prescribed as antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication. These medications boost levels of serotonin in the brain, helping to lift your mood and calm you when need be. While this will not mean that you stop grieving, these medications may help you integrate that grief into your life.
At Rivia Mind, our skilled and compassionate clinicians are here to help you recover from symptoms of grief. Contact us today to learn more about our services related to grief or to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
Resources:
- Grief by the Numbers: Facts and Statistics on Grief in Adults and Children – The Recovery Village
- A Report on Grief and Addiction – Hazelden Betty Ford Research Update
- Grief and Bereavement: what psychiatrists need to know – Zisook, Sidney and Shear, Katherine; 2009
