November 18th is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day. This day is designated to support and recognize those left behind in the wake of a suicide. People who have lost loved ones to suicide around the world come together to connect with each other, offer compassion, and grieve. If you have recently survived the loss of a loved one by suicide, or if you want to support a suicide loss survivor in your life, Rivia Mind is here for you.
What Is a Suicide Loss Survivor?
A suicide loss survivor is someone who lost a family member, friend, or loved one to suicide. Grieving the death of a loved one is always hard, but grieving a suicide comes with its own unique challenges. Suicide loss survivors may blame themselves or fall into a deep depression all their own. They may be angry or have complicated feelings about the loved one they lost.
A study in South Korea sampling over 100,000 people found that family members of suicide victims were three times more likely to die by suicide themselves compared to family members of individuals who died in non-suicide related incidents (such as traffic accidents).1
Help For Suicide Loss Survivors
Grief can be acute amongst suicide loss survivors, and it may feel isolating. It’s important to seek out help and support. Grief counseling may help you to accept and manage your feelings especially soon after the loss. Grief counseling is often done in groups so that you can connect with others who have also recently lost a loved one. You may even be able to find a grief support group that focuses on grief from suicide loss.
You may also want to seek therapy in order to help you with any symptoms of depression, anxiety, or trauma following the loss of your loved one. Some suicide loss survivors feel wary of seeking mental health support, especially having recently lost a loved one to mental illness. But given the vulnerability that suicide loss survivors face when it comes to depression, your mental health must be attended to. Remember that therapy can be sought out by anyone, and that it is perfectly normal to need therapy for a time.
There is a common anecdote that with time, grief becomes smaller. However, this concept is not helpful for everyone nor does it match everyone’s experience. Many suicide loss survivors resonate more with Lois Tonkin’s model for grief. Grief counselor Lois Tonkin posited that, rather than grief becoming smaller, grief stays the same size. However, over time your life grows around grief. It may remain a part of your life, but over time, it ceases to be the center of your life.2
How To Support a Suicide Loss Survivor In Your Life
So what if you have a loved one who is grappling with a recent suicide loss? How can you support them during this dark time in their life? Here are a few of our tips.
Listen, Rather Than Assuming You Understand
Everyone’s grief process is different. Even if you have experienced a loss of a loved one, that doesn’t mean that you will understand their situation or the unique feelings that come with suicide loss. Instead of assuming that you know what they’re going through, listen to them. Ask questions and accept their feelings with compassion and care.
Withhold Judgment
When you see how badly your friend is hurting, it might be easy to say that the person who died by suicide is “selfish,” but depression and suicide are much more complex than that. Regardless of your personal feelings, telling someone that the loved one they’re grieving was selfish or “sinned” by their suicide is unlikely to help anyone.
Now is a time for empathy rather than judgment. Don’t blame the suicide loss survivor for the death of their loved one, and don’t make disparaging remarks about their loved one’s suicide. At the same time, don’t try to correct their personal feelings while they are still processing them.
Don’t Be Afraid To Talk About the Dead Loved One
Don’t be afraid to talk about the loved one who passed. Share a memory with them, and ask questions if you don’t have memories (not invasive questions such as asking about the matter of their death, but questions about your friend’s time with them while they were alive). It can be more hurtful to avoid the subject as though it is shameful or taboo. If your friend doesn’t want to talk about their loved one, they will stop you. If not, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t.
Check In On Them
The above referenced South Korean study showed that suicide loss survivors were at risk of suicide themselves as far as two years after the loss. Losing a loved one to suicide can be traumatic, and especially when those anniversaries come around, the feelings of depression can be overwhelming. Make sure to check on the suicide loss survivors you know, both as those difficult dates approach and throughout the year. It’s an easy way to show them that you care.
Suicide loss is a terrible experience that no one should have to go through, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Our skilled and compassionate clinicians at Rivia Mind can help. Contact us today to learn more or to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
Resources:
- Risks of suicide among family members of suicide victims: A nationwide sample of South Korea – Frontiers
- Growing around grief – Cruse Bereavement Support
