If you struggle with anger, you know how difficult it can be to control. You may find yourself saying things you don’t mean, lashing out at loved ones, or engaging in reckless and impulsive behavior in your anger.
Like all emotions, anger is valid and should not be avoided; but also like all emotions, it also shouldn’t be allowed to control you. Fortunately, there are ways to cope with anger in a healthy way and practice emotion regulation.
What Is Anger?
Anger is an emotion of distaste and antagonism towards something wrong that has been done, or a perceived wrong that has been done. While this often occurs with respect to wrongs done to you, you can also feel anger at wrongs done to a friend or in the world at large. In moderation, anger can be positive. It may motivate you towards change. In excess, anger can feel uncontrollable and may lead you to lash out.
Anger is often described as a secondary emotion, which means it is a reaction to another emotion, often hurt or fear. Those who struggle with trauma may often wrestle with their anger. Two of the most common trauma responses are “fight or flight.” Anger is often the “fight” response. These responses can short circuit the problem-solving parts of your brain and cause you to act on impulse, overwhelmed by your emotion. But by learning to recognize your anger and practicing healthy coping skills, you can better manage your emotions.
Tips To Cope With Anger
So now let’s talk about some of the tips and strategies you can employ to cope with your anger and get it under control, rather than allowing it to control you.
Recognize Your Anger
Part of the difficulty in controlling anger is that many people don’t know when to recognize their anger until they’re already lashing out. It’s important to know what it looks like when you’re beginning to grow angry. Keep track of your behaviors and feelings surrounding an angry outburst so you can notice the symptoms. Some common precursors to anger include:
- Irritability
- Physical tension
- Feeling overwhelmed
- A sense of humiliation or guilt
Consider, too, the triggers that tend to make you angry. These will help you to prepare for a situation that might cause anger.
Pause
You may have heard people suggest that you “count to ten” when you’re angry. While this might sound patronizing, there is actual merit to it. The longer you take a moment to pause before reacting, the more you can give yourself perspective and get a handle on your anger. You may not need to count to ten, just do something to make sure that you don’t react right away.
Know When To Walk Away
If you don’t feel that you can approach a situation with a clear head, there’s no shame in walking away. This may feel as though you’re letting the thing that made you angry “win,” but in actuality, you’re protecting yourself and giving yourself a chance to calm down. Remember that walking away doesn’t mean that you won’t address the issue. It simply means that you’re giving yourself time to clear your head before you move into problem-solving.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a great way to help yourself recognize your anger without judgment and to take a moment to calm yourself. Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your body and your surroundings. There are mindfulness meditations such as body scans that help you notice any physical sensations in your body and breathing techniques that can help to calm you down. The goal of mindfulness is to notice without judgment. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling angry. Simply accept the anger’s existence, acknowledge it, and then let it pass by.
Go For a Walk/Exercise
The problem with anger is that it can feel as though you have all of this pent up feeling and nothing to do with it. The best solution, then, is to do something with your body. Get your energy out by going for a walk around your neighborhood or riding an exercise bike at the gym. By exercising, you’re giving your body something to do and you’re keeping yourself from wallowing in your anger. This may also give you a chance to clear your head.
Understand What It Means To “Clear Your Head”
We’ve mentioned that a few of these strategies offer you a chance to “clear your head.” It’s worth noting that this does not mean pushing the anger away. This is emotional avoidance and is sure to allow the anger to fester. On the contrary, clearing your head often means allowing your anger to exist and challenging it. Why are you angry? Is there anything productive you can do in your anger? If not, is there anything you can do to comfort yourself? Is what you’re angry about important?
By examining your anger and understanding it, you can lessen the intensity of it. Thus you can return to the issue with a “clear” head, able to reason and problem-solve. Anger is not something to be ashamed of or to hide. But investigating it gives you a chance to manage it.
Talk To Someone
Sometimes you need to vent. It can help to talk to a trusted friend or family member unconnected to the situation. By venting and receiving sympathy, the intensity of your anger is likely to decrease. You can also talk to a therapist, whether to vent or to come up with problem-solving or coping strategies to deal with the situation that triggers your anger.
At Rivia Mind, we work with a number of skilled and compassionate clinicians who are experienced when it comes to anger issues. We’re here to help you manage your anger and develop healthier coping strategies. Contact Rivia Mind today to learn more or to find a provider for yourself.
