Those who live with anxiety know that it can often go hand-in-hand with guilt. If you constantly worry that something terrible is going to happen, it can often slide into believing that those terrible things are happening due to your fault.
Anxiety can amplify your mistakes, making guilt prolonged. But there are distinctions between guilt and anxiety. In today’s blog, let’s talk about the differences between guilt and anxiety, as well as the ways they interact.
Guilt and Anxiety: Differences
Anxiety is a feeling of persistent worry and fear. It can occur in stressful situations, but those with anxiety disorders are more prone to those feelings of anxiety than others. With an anxiety disorder, anxiety might be more extreme, as well. You may fear that something awful will happen, even if you logically know that it probably won’t. With social anxiety, you may have a constant fear that everyone around you hates you or that you are breaking some sort of social rule.
Guilt can be a type of anxiety, often a moral or ethical anxiety. When you feel guilty, you believe that you have wronged someone or caused something to go wrong. This can then feed into anxiety. You may feel anxious about approaching the situation or relationship related to the guilt, or you may withdraw. It can also feed anxious thoughts of self-judgment.
When Guilt Turns Into Shame
On some level, guilt doesn’t seem like a bad thing to feel, even if it is unpleasant. It’s important to be able to recognize when you’ve done something wrong. You need to be able to take accountability, apologize for any harm done, and to know to do better in the future. Guilt can be a signal in a healthy sense.
The trouble is that guilt often does not stop there, especially for those with anxiety. When someone ruminates on guilt, it can turn into shame. Shame is a much longer form of guilt that reflects past the wrong behavior or action and instead stretches to your whole character. Shame tells you that because you have done something wrong, there is something wrong with you. That you are a terrible person because you made the mistake you did. That there is no point in trying to improve because you will just fall back into the same habits.
In fact, shame can actually be counteractive to taking accountability for your mistakes. If you believe that your mistakes are a reflection that you are a bad person, of course you won’t want to face those mistakes. You won’t want to admit to those mistakes and have everyone think poorly of you for them. Shame amplifies the initial incident and may even tell you that it would be easier to withdraw or cut out the people you wronged than to try to repair things.
When Anxiety Creates Guilt
Another issue with guilt is that it isn’t always logical, especially when combined with anxiety. People with anxiety often feel guilty for things that were outside of their control — taking a friend or family member to a movie that they ended up not liking, being late because an unexpected accident backed up traffic, or “not helping enough” in a situation that you reasonably would not have been able to help, to name a few examples.
You may even feel guilty about your anxiety itself. If anxiety causes you to cancel plans or ask for reassurance from your friends, you may begin to feel that you are a burden or that you’re “too much” for those around you. These are not things that you’ve done wrong: if your friends didn’t enjoy your company, they likely would not spend time with you. If they did have a problem with you that they aren’t voicing, that problem is theirs alone and not yours. But with anxiety, even though you’re not at fault, you can easily still feel guilt. The guilt then feeds the anxiety, and it becomes a vicious cycle.
Guilt and Anxiety vs. Religious and Social Expectations
Sometimes the expectations in your environment can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety. In religious communities, a strong focus on the “shalts” and “shalt nots” can lead to feelings of guilt or despair if you have broken one of the rules. When religious teachings focus too much on judgment or punishment, you may come to associate that harsh judgment with the religion as a whole.
This is not exclusive to religion. Sometimes certain cultural or social expectations can come with a feeling of guilt. Your parents may express hopes for you that you fear you’re unable to meet. You may feel a sense of financial guilt if you make less money than your friends and they often have to pay for any outings. Even perceived expectations from those around you may sometimes lead to feelings of guilt.
How To Manage Guilt and Anxiety
When guilt and anxiety begin to build up, it can feel overwhelming. It is difficult to return to a place of wise-mindedness unless you can slow the assault of guilt and anxiety and look at the situation more clearly. Here are a few tips to do so.
Reach Out For Help
Even if you haven’t been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, you can still reach out for therapy or counseling. Therapists and counselors can treat anyone, even people who are just having a rough time with a current situation or environment. This is important so that you know you’re not alone in the struggle against guilt and anxiety and that you’re not beyond the capacity to improve.
Check the Facts
Step back and look at the situation that you feel guilty about. What actually happened? Take your feelings out of the picture and stick to the facts. Did you actually do something wrong? Did you do it knowingly? Were there extenuating factors? You may find that just because something went wrong does not mean that you did something wrong.
Take Responsibility For Your Mistakes, Then Move On
If you made a mistake, own up to it and either repair it or work to do better in the future. Apologize and understand that it is fully up to the other person whether or not they forgive you. You do not need them to forgive you in order to work to do better in the future. Then, once you’ve done all you can do, move on. Dwelling on the mistake will only lead to shame and more anxiety.
Suggest Alternatives When You Can
So what about those situations where you didn’t do anything wrong but you still feel guilty? Think of alternatives that you might be able to suggest that would create a healthier environment and alleviate those feelings of guilt. For instance, if you feel guilty because your friends always pay for dinner, ask them to come over for a home-cooked meal instead. If you feel guilty about needing reassurance in your relationships, offer validation and reassurance to your relationships in kind.
At Rivia Mind, we recognize all the ways that guilt can impact anxiety and vice versa. We are here to help you navigate these sometimes overwhelming feelings. Contact us today to learn more or to schedule a free consultation.
